This isn't a clinical diagnosis. It's a mirror — a way to help you see what might be keeping you stuck in a painful relationship, without judging you for it.
A trauma bond isn't a character flaw. It's a stress response — your nervous system learned to attach to someone who alternates between hurting you and being the person who makes the hurt stop. That cycle is powerful. It can feel like love. Understanding it is the first step to walking through it.
Question 1 of 10
Even when this person hurts you, do you find yourself defending them to others — or making excuses for their behavior?
Question 2 of 10
After a blow-up or bad episode, does it feel like an overwhelming relief when they return to "normal" — like everything is suddenly okay again?
Even if part of you knows nothing has really changed.
Question 3 of 10
When you think about leaving, do the good memories flood in — the early days, the kind moments — and make you question whether it's "really that bad"?
Question 4 of 10
Have you tried to pull away or leave before, only to feel an overwhelming pull to go back — even when you knew it wasn't good for you?
Question 5 of 10
Do you sometimes feel more anxious when things are calm than when they're not — like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Like peace doesn't feel safe, because it usually doesn't last.
Question 6 of 10
Do you often feel responsible for their moods — like if you could just say the right thing, do things better, or not "trigger" them, everything would be okay?
Question 7 of 10
Has this relationship started to feel like the center of your life — even though it's also the most exhausting and painful part of it?
Question 8 of 10
Do you find it hard to picture your life without this person — even when imagining leaving feels like relief?
Like they've become such a fixed part of your reality that "without them" doesn't quite compute.
Question 9 of 10
Do the people closest to you — friends, family — seem more concerned about this relationship than you feel able to be yourself?
Like they can see something you keep explaining away.
Question 10 of 10
Do you feel like you've "lost yourself" in this relationship — like the person you were before feels far away or hard to access?
Answer all 10 questions to continue.
Your Assessment
You don't have to figure this out alone.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (call or text)
Crisis Text Line: text HOME to 741741
More resources and support: Step Away From Abuse